rape culture leaking out the collective subconciousness

In our class discussion today, on the reading, “Fraternities and Collegiate Rape Culture,” on how atmospheres in fraternities can be conducive to the rape culture, and instead of being able to get past the fact that it’s the atmosphere’s that create rape culture along with patriarchy, under capitalism by forcing men into these “man boxes,” we as a class had to keep explaining, “it’s not the fraternity, it’s the atmosphere,” It’s not just men, it’s a system, we’re not blaming all male persons for rape,” to classmates. *sighs*

I don’t want to be down on them, yet I feel like(at least the last couple of days) that they aren’t doing the readings, or even made it out of any of the prerequisites required for the class, with anything other than a grade. When they do the readings, it seems as if they’re personally offended at having to reconsider societal notions of rape. One of them said(and seemed to firmly believe) “Well, we shouldn’t blame the men for raping, when oftentimes women lie about being raped.” . . . . .

Thousands of things spring to mind to retort. A retort isn’t what’s needed though, a mindset change is what’s needed in this situation. *makes a face* Even women piss me off, especially when women buy into oppression for themselves and others and defend the oppression as “no one’s fault.” (Statically, lying about rape happens the same amount as people like about any crime, such as selling a computer then reporting it stolen, 2-4% of the time.) Yet, the societal consciousness is that women lie about being raped when they’re ashamed to have slept with the man, or regret it the next morning. Also, rape is only reported about 1/3 of the time that it happens, so rape is more prevalent than we even know and highly stigmatized in society, often blaming the victim.

Its such a frustration when it seems like those in the learning environment aren’t learning and we have to stop and keep explaining things to them, instead of moving past the basic vocabulary. It’s not that they can’t learn, it seems they’re deciding not to learn in favor of hanging onto their deeply set stereotypes and opinions. One of the girls, fuck if I know her name, said the research in the article wasn’t adequate from a biological standpoint. Well, seeing as the method of research was laid out in the paper, (not often done in articles) and assumptions were left to the reader, it seemed like well done research on this particular college(unnamed university) even if I don’t think the idea of fraternities being small rape cultures are generalizable to all fraternities, I think what the author pointed out about atmosphere lending to the attitude of “to rape, or not to rape” is generalizable. When the music is turned up, the lights turned down, and settings for conversation are removed, the purpose of the party is dramatically different than in a comparable situation where the lights are on, the music is background and people are encouraged to conversationally mingle.

Then, in the second reading, “The Anti-Rape Rules” the author considered himself an ally of women who’ve been sexually assaulted, or raped. The article pointed out some really good points about what to do if someone you know has been raped such as:
1) Believe her
2) Trust her choices
3) Take the hard road when necessary

It explained rather well how it feels to be man loving women who’ve been sexually assaulted or raped, yet still was problematic in the language he used about “letting them make dumb or hurtful choices,” because of his judgment on their decisions as well as his idea of “letting” women make their own choice. It’s a very parental, protective view and I understand the tendency to be over-protective when someone loved has been hurt, yet still, they own themselves and they need to be allowed to control not only who knows about the rape or assault, but they need to be trusted. Also, women don’t need to be viewed as asking for it, and often in an attempt to regain control and autonomy they re-label themselves as survivors instead of victims.